Departures & Goodbyes, a Cryfest.

At some point in life, I will have to take a step forward on my own, to start a new phase of life, to begin a fresh journey; that point has arrived.

I know I haven't been writing ever since my exam results were released. Well, nothing much have changed besides the fact that I have steadily been confirmed a place in the university I desired, to study the course I have intended to do and to leave for a country that I have never been to before. Aside from all the documentation and partial shopping, I have been doing quite a lot of catching up with many people I have grew to adore through the years of my existence. It has been quite a feat having to meet them all personally, catching up on good times, and some after a vacuum of a few years.

All these meetings are beautiful, one of the moments in life that I truly live for. I haven't actually allowed myself to immerse into the whole idea of physically leaving this place I call home, these people I call family and these friends I call pillars until a few days ago. Not many ask me how I feel, most just bring up the whole excitement of moving into a foreign land, meeting new people, starting a new chapter, having almost total freedom - don't get me wrong, I am excited, but it is terribly bittersweet.

I wouldn't say I am an extremely homey person judging by the amount of time I actually spend at home, how often I seem to lash out at my parents and brother, and how inconsiderate I can be most of the time, but I must admit that leaving them here to venture into a whole new experience is tough. Perhaps my love for them has not been expressed in the most appropriate of ways, but I do believe that with this very heavy heart to leave, it must mean something.

My longest and only experience of being away from home alone is the 14 days I had spent in Puttaparthi, India. I wouldn't even dare say I know how it would feel this time because it is bound to be very different. Many have used our savvy technology tools like Skype as a comforting pillow for this (temporary) departure, but let me just say that there is really nothing like being at home with the family - be it laughing, crying or arguing, there is just nothing like it.

I am in tears, attempting to put all these feelings into words. I have been told that there will be days like this, where emotions will surface. I am only human.

All the shoppings for supplies, all the catching up with people I hold close to my heart, all the talk about the possibility of coming home in December, all the chatters about how life might be in the UK; it gets to me. I may not have the exact word to describe it, but it gets to me. Perhaps a goodnight's sleep will allow it to fade away with my dreams, perhaps it wouldn't. I reckon, this is what growing up is, to move out of the nest, buck up and brace for an independent life on my own. No maid, no cook, no car - just me with a tight budget and some new friends who are going to be my life support for the next few months, or shall I say years.

In honour of my 20 years of life, here is my Gratitude List.

I am thankful for;

A set of parents who puts up with my rudeness, mood swings, demeaning demands, inconsiderate requests, and still, after all that, stand by me at an awards ceremony clapping as I walk on stage, with shimmering eyes that say, "That's my daughter."

I am thankful for;

My brother whom I have enslaved with my terrible mood swings, verbally abuse over the slightest of things, suppress when he attempts to make decisions, and still, through it all, hugs me tight when I say I am sad about leaving.

I am thankful for;

Life's luxuries that my parents have so abundantly provided me with; a maid at home, a car to drive, money to spend, a home to live in, dresses for events and most importantly, the emotional support that lifted me through these 20 years. Yes, parental support is a luxury because it isn't something that they owe me, it is something they had chose to give me, and I am a lucky girl. I count my blessings.

I am thankful for;

All the lovelies I have grown to love from Anchoring the Light Ministry, all my close circle of friends whom I have grown to trust and rely on, all my juniors who have made me so proud of their achievements, and just everyone who has crossed paths with me; thank you.

Loves,

Ee Ping