Frustration, Rage then Grace.

Today, I finally grew the determination and body heat to walk to the university library for the very first time. I certainly taught myself a lesson in procrastination because today happens to be one of the coldest days it has been here in the UK. Still, all is well. I am alive, just with almost-frozen finger tips.

I spent the past few hours hunting down books I need, weighing the pros and cons of buying a second hand book and reading it off the library, and indulging in the silence of the day. I ended up buying a second hand book for £2.81 on Amazon since I was going to need to read it anyway, and the library books aren't in the best brand new conditions to begin with.

Then I had to leave the silence of the second floor to come up to the "High-Demand Section" where books are only allowed a 24-hour loan. I found the Sociology book I needed to read up ahead of tomorrow's lecture, found myself a spot, braved the talking and noise and finished reading Page 120 to 139 in slightly over 90 minutes.

I was on the verge of crying at the rate of my reading and how easily distracted I would get with all the noise. I could almost feel rage building inside as I attempt to hurl the blame at Amazon for having my Sociology text book delayed in delivery. It was an internally rampant but externally silent process nonetheless. I withdrew myself away from the chaos of my mind and decided to just breathe. It was in that moment that I realise, gratitude was all I had. I was thankful for the eyes to see, to be able to read the words that are printed. It was in that very moment, that all frustration dispersed in thin air.

I am thankful.

On a separate note, I haven't been writing much lately as I resorted to recording video logs. Despite missing the familiar voices and faces that I have had as my emotional pillars back home, I found that recording a video would make information dissemination so much easier and faster. For those who didn't catch it when I posted it all up on Facebook here they are.

Loves,

Ee Ping