A lesson in appreciation.

So, I have found myself keeping busy all the time, constantly finding for something to do if it weren't to think about how I felt and what emotions were running through my mind when I am free. Despite it being a commonly used defense mechanism, one would think that such a conscious choice to keep myself busy would be irrelevant. I tried, but obviously to no feasible outcome.

Keeping myself busy is basically as good as sweeping all the troubles under a carpet and keeping it there for as long as it takes. I would know better, but I guess I am only human. Making choices that are sometimes not quite right is part of living and learning. Yet again, a lesson of choice and consequence.

I have been having a pulling sensation at the lower part of my left shoulder and it tends to hurt when I find myself stressed out and lost. Most of the time, it hits the hardest at nightfall. But, the one thing I notice about it is that whenever I write or speak of my feelings and emotions, the sensation gradually fades away. Perhaps the sensation is merely my bottled up feelings, things I wish not to speak of, if not to a certain few individuals.

Ever since leaving home, there are a few things that I must admit to taking for granted. Firstly, my family; Daddy, Mummy and WJ. Who knew that I'd miss those lectures, nags, fights, bickering, quarrels over food, choosing where to go, running errands and all those daily routines? I knew that there would come a time when I would miss those movie nights at home, dinners together, dreading the late nights that Daddy would come home late and we'd wait up for dinner, supper nights with the family, movie day outs with WJ; but really, who knew that I'd miss all the arguments as well?

Also, the one lost I significantly felt was the mobility of having a car. My goodness. Buying groceries is almost a hobby, I simply enjoy the feeling. But this is a whole different story when you have take a 30-minute walk back from the supermarket with 2 litres of milk, 2 litres of mango juice, 2 litres of tropical juice, a big bottle of soy sauce, a tray of 15 eggs, a frying pan and yoghurt. Yes, I managed that today, and no, I didn't break any eggs in the tray. Achievement in itself, really. Gone were the days of loading and unloading groceries, even then, dragging my feet having to unload them from the car back into the house. How I would now reflect and realise how spoilt I am. With that in mind, I now make myself take a 30-minute walk to town every time I need something from the supermarket. No bus, no cab, no online shopping.

The walk works as a constant self-reminder, to appreciate what I have back home, to know the value of everything that I am provided with, to be grateful for all that Daddy and Mummy do in order to provide me with everything and at the very least, to empathise in my own way, the hardships that they have gone through.

Thank you, Daddy and Mummy.

I know I don't say it often enough, but you mean the world to me.

So do you, WJ. Believe it or not. :)

Loves,

Ee Ping